‘Before you can empower the reality of being fulfilled and complete, you have to stop empowering the reality that you are not …’ (Anonymous)

If you have the desire, skill and knowledge to achieve something but you are not achieving it, you are probably ’sabotaging‘ yourself. Subconscious beliefs that you are not good enough and that you don’t deserve what you set out to achieve will prevent you from being successful.

Breaking your diet, procrastination, failed relationships, and so on, are all typical symptoms of self-sabotage.

You destroy your confidence by your own behaviour patterns when you start a project and give up after a while. The same thing happens when you think of many reasons why you can’t do something—for instance, go to gym on a particular day—because you find something ‘more urgent or more important’ to do instead. This type of behaviour causes negative thoughts and self-talk such as ‘I’ll never be able to do this’ or ‘I’m so useless…’ Your motivation and self-esteem drop every time this happens.

We create our own experiences. When people treat you badly or constantly reject you, you need to ask yourself whether you are subconsciously asking to be treated that way ‘because you don’t deserve better’ or ‘because you’re not good enough.’ You ‘ask for it’ non-verbally and subconsciously. The fact is that people will treat you the way you subconsciously want to be treated. Encouraging others to treat you with disrespect so that you can be a victim is prime self-sabotaging behaviour.

Symptoms of self-sabotage:

  • Dissatisfaction with life
  • A desire for drama or crisis
  • Addictive behaviour
  • Weight loss with equal or more weight gain afterwards
  • Excessive worrying
  • Procrastination
  • Depression or mood swings
  • Putting yourself down
  • Lack of trust in people or in your own abilities
  • Inability to finish things
  • The need to be in an abusive relationship
  • Jeopardising or destroying good relationships, jobs, etc.

How to reverse or eliminate self-sabotaging behaviour

You need to be completely honest with yourself about your behaviour. Not admitting that you have a problem is also self-sabotage. You must intend to change your behaviour.

But intending alone is not enough. Set goals—with detailed steps to be taken and diarised deadlines. Work with a coach or close friend who will hold you accountable and monitor your progress.

Our behaviour is governed by our perceptions and beliefs. If you want to change your behaviour, you need to change your beliefs regarding a situation or issue. If you don’t know how to uncover your beliefs – that drive the behaviours that do not serve you – you need to seek help from a good coach, counsellor or therapist because they are trained to help people change their limiting perceptions and beliefs.

When we know better we do better!